Unfortunately, my years’ worth of journals will not fit in the turtle. Before sealing them in a box marked “SAVE IN CASE OF FIRE”, I found a notebook to flip through. Here’s an entry entitled “!!!! Philip-enabled Revelation”, written on July 6, 2002.
My difficulties with the conflict of desire versus reason:
I have so many dreams that “require” material things but really perhaps can only be attained if I get rid of those things. The issue is overcoming the obstacles of doubt, fear, and concern with what others think, which I’m not sure I can accomplish.
But I was talking to Philip, a Bahamian/Austrian/Uruguayan I met at GYLC. He was talking about teaching his sister how to jump into water from extreme heights like bridges and cliffs. He said when you’re looking at the bridge, you think, “It’s not that high.” When you’re at the top: “Holy God, it’s way too far up.” It’s all illusion, and the only truth is the measured height.
My fears are all illusions of height, and what I need to do is understand how high it is and whether it’s safe before I climb anything at all, because at the top, I need to clear everything from my mind and just jump. Get rid of all fear.